Twilight part I: Edward the Cocksnot

It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s a fluttery piece of shiny tinfoil!


I have a few problems with Twilight, aside from the atrocious writing. Vampires, despite what Angel tries teaches us, are all soulless sexual perverts, who rejoice in killing children and using their blood as lubricant to rape dogs.

But my main complaint is that Edward is a pedophile. Pedophilia is not sexy. It should never be eroticized by mainstream society (or indeed anyone, but I’m not aiming to convince Roman Polanski here). That this elderly old man can groom and molest a child without the slightest complaint from the media is appalling. Seriously, picture Edwardo the Weirdo as your grandfather. He still has the same persunality as the emotionally-stunted fanged disco ball, just looks his age. How is that not disgusting? There are girls everyday who are raped and molested by men like that, but suddenly if he looks like a 12 year old it’s not a crime against huminity?

But let’s say that because he doesn’t look a thousand and one years old it’s hunky-dory. This still does not make Edward the ideal mate, regardless of your persunal tastes or sexual preference. Edward is a STALKER! He climbs through Bella’s window, controls all her decisions, emotionally manipulates her into agreeing with him; he is a SEXUAL PREDATOR, even without the creepy age factor. Read about stalking. Find out just how romantic and sexy it is.

Oh but he’s protecting her. Of course he is. S.M. wrote it that way to justify his behavior (which it does not). Stalking is never okay.

What is Edward doing in a high school in the first place? He’s already gone through it a thousand times so no need for a diploma. He knows all the information shared there, and even if he didn’t, he could always BUY A BOOK with his massive piles of money. He’s not looking for an adult relationship. If he really loved the atmosphere, he could always take a teaching gig, just like Carlisle became a doctor. But he didn’t. He, a 107-odd old man has surrounded himself with unknowing girls, girls whom he has an insatiable urge to kill. If he were truly a “good vampire” and not just hunting for young girls to manipulate and dominate, he would understand how unsafe that is, even with his “vegetarian diet” (another notion I find morally and grammatically offensive). So he clearly values his own comfort over the safety of children. If there was even a TINY risk that he would slip (as demonstrated in the first book when Bella first came to Forks High), he should have left.

“Love is blind!” –nameless girl in defence of pedophilic relationship

Love is blind? A quaint notion to be sure, but it does not have bases in reality. If love truly were blind, there would be no such thing as heterosexuality, nor would the over-whelming amount of the population be identified as such. If love were blind, there would be more inter-racial relationships. If love were blind, and Edward and Bella really cared for one another, there wouldn’t be constant references to their apperences.

Besides, Bella doesn’t give much of a shit about Edward’s persunality. Every couple sentences you get phrases like “devastating, inhuminly beautiful” or “I waved my hand towards him and all his bewildering perfection”. Bella just wants to be a wangsty teenager with a hot popular boyfriend. It’s a childish fantasy that she should be able to indulge in safely because SHE IS A CHILD!

Not only has Edward tightly got hold of her with emotional bondage, now contracts and legal bullshit enter the mix. Clearly Bella doesn’t want to be married. Edward bribes her to submit to a misogynistic ritual in order to commemorate his ownership over her, has sex with her (or rapes because she has been groomed from a very young age to want him) when he knows that he could kill her, and then she gives birth to a freak child she is not in anyway ready for, simultaneously breaking her spine while doing it. Then, and only then, does she get transformed into a superhero. The message is clear here. If you wait to have hetero-normative, penetrative sex until you are bound in a legal expression of property ownership, refuse to abort the clump of cells inside your uterus that is painfully killing you, you will live happily ever after as a superhero. But remember that only your man can make you into a strong, powerful, capable being.

Bella is clearly very mentally ill. She obviously suffers from depression; heck she doesn’t even leave her room for like 6 months after Eddy leaves. She also shows signs of depression when she first moves to Forks, so at best we can say that Edward is unwittingly taking advantage of a very sick girl. Think about it. Her whole life, all her happiness is dependant on a man. How is that good or empowering in any way? Because it’s a choice? Choosing to give up your power means that you don’t have power anymore. The man has it. The man can do whatever he wants to her, and she can’t do shit to him. Edward sees Bella as an OBJECT! whether he acknowledges it or not. Otherwise he would respect her choices in life and not sabotage her car to prevent her from seeing her friends (which is a huge warning sign of an abusive relationship).

If it were just kids ages 16 and under being wooed by Twilight, I wouldn’t be so fucking angry about the whole thing. Obviously they would need to be told that there are men who will gladly take advantage of their desire to be in a “mature” relationship, but it could just be chalked up to childlike innocence and naivety (along with insidious cultural influence). But there are parents who support this!

What the fuck are these parents smoking? To advocate sex and romance with stalking, emotionally abusive fuckwads like the Edwards of the world is just too fucking much for me. Edward grooms, molests, and eventually rapes Bella, and there are parents who support it. Stop indoctrinating your young girls into this trap! Abusive relationships are not fun, they are not sexy, and they do NOT end happily ever after!

If you’d like to know more about pedophilia, please visit

I’m thinking about doing a part II to this soon to be series. About everything else wrong in the Twilight franchise. Tell me what you think!

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Hello! Welcome to my Imaginary Feminist Playpen!

Hi. My name is Imaginary. This is going to be my feminist blog because my myspace is a pain in the ass to update. So the myspace ( is probably just going to be reserved for poetry and other crap.

But while you’re here, in a few moments I am going to put up a blog on Twilight, which the world needs because my take on everything is always right. WHOO!

So to summerize, my name is Imaginary, I am a radical feminist (in training), and I have a new post coming up soon that you should read.

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